


The First Valentine's

by godcomplexfics (godtiercomplex)



Series: dysfunctional family funtimes [5]
Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: M/M, One-Sided Relationship, Unhealthy Relationships, Valentine's Day
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-14
Updated: 2017-02-14
Packaged: 2018-09-24 08:01:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,683
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9712505
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/godtiercomplex/pseuds/godcomplexfics
Summary: Tsukiyama wants to celebrate Valentine's Day like a normal couple, but Haise has other plans.In which, Haise receives chocolate from Hinami for the second year running and tries to write his second short story, while Tsukiyama battles his feelings of abandonment with alcohol.(Reposted due to Ao3 mishaps)





	

In 2003, when he transitioned to a second-year, he met a pretty freshman who had taken to hanging out at his favorite bookstore. Hinami Fueguchi was a lovely young lady and nice to hang around with, and as he had recently sort of adopted a young girl, it helped to have more than Touka to advise him on things concerning Saiko. Touka was a bit useless, if he were to be honest.  

In 2004, Hinami gave him friendship chocolate in the form of cupcakes, and he accepted it and gave her a white day gift. He got some from Touka as well, but since she ate most of the store-bought candies after her shift was over, he didn’t consider it an actual gift.

Then he met Tsukiyama Shuu, and things like Valentine’s Day stopped mattering even more than they ever had. Well, no - technically, he met Tsukiyama, adopted Tooru, and then met Shirazu. A lot more happened, and time just slipped away and it was 2005 before he knew it.

 

* * *

  

 Currently, Tsukiyama was trying to plan a massive date for them while they sat in Haise’s bedroom. Haise was attempting to watch television, but Tsukiyama insisted on discussing plans. Eventually, Haise spoke up.

“Valentine’s day is for people who are dating,” Haise said in rejection, “which we are not. You’re just a stalker, and I’m not celebrating Valentine’s day with you.”

“But--” Tsukiyama started to say, but Haise just shook his head at him, and changed the channel on the television. “Haise.” Another channel switch, and honestly why was everything romantic in nature? He needed inspiration, not romance.

“Sasaki,” he finally said in correction, even though Tsukiyama would never listen.

“Haise, we are dating.”

“We really aren’t.” Haise turned up the volume a bit, then sighed and rubbed at his face. “Go home already. It’s late. And no plans for Valentine’s Day, I’m busy.”

Tsukiyama protested, but then Haise continued to ignore him and he left, with a dramatic pout. Haise really couldn’t bring himself to care. He had a manuscript due, and a preteen daughter and two ten-year-old boys to look after.  He didn’t have time for Tsukiyama’s nonsense, even less than usual.

 

 

* * *

 

Haise was too aware of the time counting down to the due date for his manuscript. He only stopped writing long enough to reject each of Tsukiyama’s suggestions as he would text him. He was almost successful in completely ignoring the texting, making an effort not to reply to each of the little requests and suggestions. That was easy to do after a few months practice. It was just a bit more annoying to deal with drunken sexts since according to Tsukiyama _It’s been so long, Haise :(_. It really hadn’t been, and he hated that he could accurately recall the last time they had had sex. It was yet another thing he hadn’t planned on doing with Tsukiyama, but bad habits developed easily, and it had only taken a few weeks for it to become one.

But, Haise had one short story published, and if he did this carefully then he might have had a second that was worth publishing. Arima had always supported him in everything he did, and he knew that if this was a success, unlike his first, then he was halfway there to possibly writing a proper novel instead of short stories and novellas. Even so, it was hard to write when he had three children and a not-boyfriend who acted like a child, and a father who showed up covered in blood more often than not, and a mother who tried her hardest but just was at a loss sometimes with their family. Still, he would write regardless of all of that.

He truly hadn’t been lying when he had told Tsukiyama that he was busy.

 

 

* * *

 

Haise was quietly dying, but Nishio kept pouring him more coffee so he kept writing, ink barely dry before he was moving on to another page. The deadline for the magazine submission was three days away, and he was finding editing the story harder than actually writing it. He called Hinami to see if she would help, but she was late. The cafe was full of couples, and he was questioning why when he noticed that Hinami had entered the shop with a familiar red box. Last year it had been the same thing with her and a box full of chocolate cupcakes. So he realized that in his haste to reach a February 17th deadline, he had stopped counting down to February 14th and all that it entailed. He had even stopped being wary of Tsukiyama who hadn’t texted or contacted him in almost two days.

“Hello, Sasaki-san,” she said, and then ordered a hot chocolate from Nishio and presented him with his gift with a smile. He could almost taste the cupcakes.

There was a flash as she handed it to him, and Haise wondered why he was seeing things, then remembered he hadn’t slept in more than twenty-four hours. 

Haise thanked Hinami, and then she went around to most of the male staff and gave them small chocolates. Since they had met and started reading books, he had converted her into someone who appreciated the finer things in life, such as coffee and other drinks from interesting people. The chocolate was smooth on his tongue, and he got to eat one cupcake before Touka came around to their section and grabbed one for herself.

“You look half dead,” Touka said in a roundabout expression of her concern.

“Only half?” he joked.

She frowned at him. “Hey, where’s your boyfriend today?”

“He’s not my boyfriend,” Haise said, “and I don’t know. I don’t really keep up with him.”

“Alright, well, I guess I can give you my chocolate after work,” Touka stole another cupcake filled with white cream before going back to her section.

Hinami returned, and he handed over his manuscript to her.

“ _Welcome, Good Night_ was really good, so I just know this will be!” She held the stack of papers tight to her chest and grinned at him. “I look forward to reading through this, Sasaki-sensei.”

“Please don’t call me that,” he laughed. “I’m not a sensei, yet, I guess.”

  

 

* * *

 

Haise was walking home with his laptop bag in one hand and Touka’s chocolates in his other when he noticed the car obviously trailing behind him. He sighed as the car came to a stop beside him, and Tsukiyama stared at him with anger as he lowered his car window.

That got his attention, and he approached the car.

“Okay, do I want to know why you look so upset?”

Tsukiyama took a deep breath, and then shook his head. “Haise, no matter how you view it, we are in a relationship, and I cannot allow you to just cheat on me.”

“There’s a lot wrong with what you just said--”

“Who are the chocolates from, Haise?”

Haise looked at the red box which was a combination of Touka and Hinami’s gifts to him. He then considered Tsukiyama, and frowned, “Drive me home, and I’ll tell you.”

He got into the passenger’s side, and Tsukiyama spent more time glaring at the red box than watching the road as Haise told him that they were from Hinami and Touka. Tsukiyama had met Touka, and didn’t like her in the least. Touka also didn’t like him, so it was mutual for both sides. As for Hinami, Haise had been careful to not let Tsukiyama meet her. She was too pure an existence for Tsukiyama to try and destroy out of jealousy.

Tsukiyama’s hands were bone white on the steering wheel and his face was tight with tension as he pulled next to Arima’s car on the parking lot in front of Haise’s apartment.

“We’re here, now who is this harlot that has caused you to stray?”

“Harlot? You can’t really think I’m cheating on you, which isn’t even a possibility because we’re not dating--”

“I know! I know that. The fact that you consider yourself a free man, able to date whoever he pleases drives me crazy, Haise. Have I not been completely faithful to us? Why am I not allowed to demand the same of you? Just the thought that of you cheating on me is more than I can handle, Haise!” By the time Tsukiyama stopped speaking, he had his face buried in the steering wheel. Haise sighed and put the car in park for him.  

Haise had thought that after months of this not-relationship Tsukiyama would have given up. Yet, here it was almost a year since they had met, and nothing had changed.  Tsukiyama didn’t seem to have any intention of leaving, and Haise didn’t care, really, but he thought Tsukiyama would have realized he was nothing special by now. But to his surprise, nothing had changed. They were at a standstill.

"Hinami is really just a friend," he said, and he didn't want to offer Tsukiyama comfort, but he sounded so broken that it was difficult for Haise not to give a bit of sympathy to him, “which is more than I can say for our relationship."

“Oh, Haise," Tsukiyama said, sounding less determined than he did months ago, half-defeated even. "You know I don't believe you when you'll accept gifts from Touka who is in love with you and Hinami who probably is as well. I should have locked you in a cage--"

“What have we discussed about the creepy stalkerisms?" He ignored the bit about Touka being in love with him, and focused on Hinami. “Hinami is not interested in me that way. These were friendship chocolates. She gave me some last year as well.”

“And yet I am not allowed to even celebrate this day with the one I love? Yet you continue to accept them from Touka? How many years has she given you chocolate and how many years will you deny me the privilege?" Tsukiyama was still talking to the steering wheel, so Haise sighed and leaned back in his seat. It was late, the sun was almost gone, and the moon was visible just off to his other side. His family was safe inside the house, and he wanted to go inside with them. But, instead he remained in the car, thinking for a moment, already knowing the truth Tsukiyama tried to deny.

“Touka doesn’t love me. You don’t love me,” Haise said with certainty. “You’re obsessed with me for some weird reason. Go home, Tsukiyama-san. Maybe I’ll see you after I submit my manuscript.”

All he got was a low moan in response so he sighed and patted Tsukiyama’s head like he did with Saiko when her stomach was upset. That got him nothing but groans of discontent, so Haise, fed up with his childish behavior, left the car and went into his apartment.

Tsukiyama was an adult, he could take care of himself.

 

* * *

 

 

 

It was February 16th, and he hadn’t heard from Tsukiyama in two days. It was a bit concerning after his display on the 14th. It was the day before his manuscript was due, so Haise put Tsukiyama out of his mind. He added in Hinami’s changes to his story, and then went to submit it. After that he was free, so he checked his phone and tried not to be surprised that there was still no messages from Tsukiyama. He was starting to grow a bit concerned.

Haise texted him, asking if he had gotten over his jealousy and got a phone call in response.

Tsukiyama was horribly wasted; it took twice as long to understand him as he spoke in a bizarre blend of all the romantic languages and English and barely any Japanese. He was lucky that Haise had spent enough time around him to get the gist of what he was saying. It sounded like there was someone laughing in the background as Tsukiyama spoke. Haise couldn’t tell if it was a man or woman, before he decided that didn’t matter much.  

“You’re not allowed to hurt my friends. They’re the same as family to me and if any harm comes to my friends or family from your--”

“Then I will just kill you and myself, and we will be the most beautiful--”

“Do you even hear yourself right--”

“How can you say that I do not love you when I live and breath you?” Tsukiyama sounded like he was crying, “How can you be so cruel to me?”

“Whatever the hell you feel for me isn’t love,” Haise said, “Love is how I clean Saiko or Tooru up after they’ve been sick. It’s how Arima raised me even though I wasn’t his. It’s my mom going to court for us. You’re just obsessed with some idea you have of me.”

“Haise!”

“Now, since you seem fine and you have company, I’ll leave you to it.” Haise hung up before Tsukiyama could reply and as the person he was with started laughing. He couldn't help feeling a small curiosity despite himself towards the person Tsukiyama was with.

 

* * *

March was close at hand, and Shirazu’s birthday was coming up, so Haise took a brief moment to arrange for Hinami and Tsukiyama to meet. Tsukiyama refused to let go of Haise’s hand. He had grabbed Tsukiyama’s hand to make him walk faster since he was being silly about meeting her. It was this picture that they presented to Hinami.

She clapped her hands, did a perfect bow, and was overwhelmingly charming. Tsukiyama lost most of his grumpiness. His grip on Haise’s hand didn’t tighten, but it didn’t loosen either. Haise resigned himself, so glad he had picked a restaurant instead of the cafe for more neutral ground. Touka and Nishio would have a blast if they saw this.

“Oh, you didn’t let Tsukiyama-san read the manuscript, Sasaki-san?”

“No,” Tsukiyama said, “My darling did not. He is so secretive about that stuff sometimes. He only lets a few people read it until he thinks it’s perfect. Were you one of the lucky few?”

“Yes,” Hinami said with a smile, “I want to be an editor when I graduate, so this is nice practice!”

“Thank you,” Haise said. And he was thanking her for more than she knew as he watched Tsukiyama’s face lose the rest of its tightness.

 

* * *

 

 

“Touka-chan still wants you,” Tsukiyama said, “But, Fueguchi-san seems like she is not interested in more than your writings.” They were heading to his car, and Haise had both his hands back. He sighed at Tsukiyama.

“And why did you only just throw a fit about Hinami and not Touka?” It was easy to keep his tone level as he got into the car. He noticed a camera case on the backseat’s floor. He hoped Tsukiyama hadn’t been taking pictures of him again.

“Touka knows that you are mines,” Tsukiyama said, “Even though you do things like flirt with her, she would not cheat with you.”

“First off,” Haise said, “I’m not your anything.”

Tsukiyama just looked at him, and started the car, “Where to, my love?”

Haise sighed, and considered Tsukiyama for a moment before giving in, “Someplace nice and quiet for the night.”

  

* * *

 

 

The hotel Tsukiyama picked out was nice and quiet, and expensive which suited Tsukiyama’s tastes. Haise’s tastes figured more towards finding a cheaper sort of deal after years of household shopping and child rearing. His children went through clothes quickly, and the household went through other household supplies just as fast.

The room was loud, with red everywhere, and black as well. He would have thought Tsukiyama had brought him to a love hotel, if not for the price of just one night. Tsukiyama had a point he wanted to make, but Haise had ignored all his points thus far and he couldn’t see that changing. He held on to that reasoning even as Tsukiyama helped him take off his jacket. After that, Tsukiyama poured himself something to drink as he already knew Haise’s answer to drinking anything from his hands.

“Tsukiyama,” Haise said, “you seem like you’ve been drinking a lot recently.”

“Only in company,” Tsukiyama said, and both left it at that. Tsukiyama then left his wine glass alone when Haise took off his shirt. Haise was wondering what type of company Tsukiyama was able to keep, when he was as twisted as Haise and not good with people, when one of their phones started ringing. He was going to leave Tsukiyama on the bed, half naked and more than half hard for him, when Tsukiyama grabbed his arm.

“That’s just Chie, ignore it.”

“Chie?” Haise asked when the phone stopped ringing and as he remained propped up over Tsukiyama. Tsukiyama’s phone rarely rang when they were together, and this was the first time he had heard of him having anyone in his life that he was on first-name basis aside from Haise himself. Tsukiyama’s life was managed by his manager and his modeling career was starting to really kick off. From the dismissive way Tsukiyama said her name she couldn’t be someone incredibly important. “Don’t tell me you have some poor woman working this late at night.”

“She’s just Chie,” Tsukiyama said, and then tried to leave it at that as he kissed Haise. Tsukiyama kissed him like he wanted to leave a bruise that will never heal, as if there had been some wrong done to him that he had to get revenge for. Except, Tsukiyama had betrayed him first,  so Haise didn’t mind the rough kisses, or the rough hands holding him close. Everything that Tsukiyama did just reignited the anger he felt towards him that Haise buried down under apathy and resentment the majority of the time.

What was between them had been twisted from the start, worsened by one night at a theatre and had been spiraling out of control since then. He didn't even know if he should attempt to justify any of it. Their ‘relationship’ was that it was easier for Haise to just go along somewhat with Tsukiyama’s delusion that they were in a relationship. He could end it at any point he wanted, was what he told himself often. He knew that he should have ended it a long time ago. He just told himself that if he did, his family would be in danger, and so he would continue being with Tsukiyama for their safety. Those were his reasons. There was little doubt that Tsukiyama continued to be with Haise for reasons all of his own, that Haise would not be able to understand. They didn’t think in the same way all of the time. But that was what made it interesting from time-to-time. Their ‘relationship’ wasn’t hurting anything as it was now. It was just that, Haise was indulging Tsukiyama, while he also indulged himself.

It was for that reason that he let Tsukiyama open him up, with an almost mockingly tender touch, while he concentrated on breathing and letting Tsukiyama cross yet another line he never thought they’d reached. All the times before, they had found their sexual release with hands and mouths. And more often Tsukiyama had submitted to him. Haise hadn’t submitted to him, despite how willingly Tsukiyama had for him. It had been a private pledge with himself to save that for someone he cared for. He didn’t care for Tsukiyama more than before, but he was tired after multiple all-nighters, so passively taking Tsukiyama inside him seemed like it would be easier. Relaxing around Tsukiyama’s fingers just seemed simpler.

Some would call this laziness, others selfish, but it worked so that was what mattered. And when it inevitably would stop working, when the harms outweighed the few benefits, that is when he would end it. He was content knowing that.

The ringing phone was background noise that stopped mattering as he hooked his legs around Tsukiyama's waist and drifted off into that space that only a good fight or fuck triggered for him. The manic high of submitting his second short novella combined with Tsukiyama's lust for him made it an enjoyable first time for him bottoming. For once he was not leading their encounter. Now he was not in command, and could just move with the thrusts, and feel Tsukiyama’s hand wrapping around his cock as he pressed his way carefully inside. As if Haise was someone fragile--but considering it was Tsukiyama--more as if Haise was something precious.

He kissed Tsukiyama as sweat dripped down on him. When Tsukiyama was like this, all mellowed and peaceful, he was a different man. When he was not exhibiting all his quirks and anxieties, it was almost enough to make Haise want to forgive him. Almost, but not quite.

 

* * *

 

Haise was mostly asleep, Tsukiyama's face pressed firmly against his chest when his phone rang. Whoever Chie was to Tsukiyama, she had stopped calling. Tsukiyama lived a life outside of their relationship, and it was one that Haise was was not inclined to explore. Haise knew it was someone from his own house by the particular ringtone, so he forced Tsukiyama off of him and answered the cell phone buzzing away in his coat pocket.

"Saiko won't go to sleep until you say goodnight to her," Arima explained, almost sounding apologetic.

"Then I suppose I better. Are the other two asleep?"

"The boys are asleep," Arima confirmed and then handed the phone to Saiko.

"Maman," she said, and Haise felt his heart twinge with something like guilt for leaving her alone, "Will you be back in the morning?"

"You might be at school, but I'll try and come back to see you off. I'll be there when you get home for sure. Goodnight, Saiko, I'll see you tomorrow."

"Goodnight, Maman, I love you," and her voice was hushed as she said the last part, so he kept his voice level and firm when he said it back.

He stared at his phone for a long moment before putting it on the nightstand and letting Tsukiyama hold him close again.


End file.
